What’s the weirdest phone call you have ever received?

ATTENTION SPIKES UP. What could he want with me? Did I do something wrong? Lord did I forget to pay something? Questions start flying through my head. What would the detention center sheriff want with me?

Do what? Officer, I'm sorry I have no kids of my own, and I don't know anybody by that name.

I hear a pause on the line, it goes quiet for a few seconds.

Why does a straight man like anal penetration?

Yes sir it is.

No sir I sure don't, I live in the next city over.

Long pause, OK. (Inaudible talking). Could you hang on for just a sec?

What factors may contribute to intelligent individuals identifying as Republican rather than Democrat in the United States today?

HELLO

Is your number (xxx) xxx-xxxx??

After a few moments he returns.

You found a love potion, and your friend tried to use it on an attractive popular girl, but he accidentally dropped it on the neighbors dog. Now the dog won't stop following him. How would you help him?

{RING} {RING}

Hi this is Sargent Moss from the County detention center. Is this Sean?

Do you reside at 1234 X X Lane?

Why isn't bestiality illegal in most states? If children can't consent, then animals DEFINITELY can't consent. Why is being a pedophile a crime but zoophilia is not?

Whew, not in trouble!! But someone named Sean with a similar number is apparently about to have a rather bad day.

I was trying to reach out to you because we have a Mr X here, who claims you are his legal guardian. He needs you to come down and sign some forms.

Looks at phone, sees a number local to me, so I answered.

How do you know how physically attractive you actually are?

I'm sorry to bother you, my staff just told me our guy corrected his information and had a number off for his home phone. Have a good day. Hangs up.

Sure no problem officer.

What’s the weirdest phone call you have ever received?

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